Beyond the Grave

Still busy and most likely will be throughout this whole year. I've made a list of projects for myself, about 30 projects of all different media forms that I want done by December. HOHOHOHO LIKE HELL I'll be able to do all of that but it doesn't hurt to motivate myself with goddamn unrealistic goals. Though I feel bad looking at my crappy looking website. I NEED TO FIX IT. AND THIS BLOG! SAME FUCKING BANNER WITH THOSE INCEST LESBIANS ON THE TOP FOR AGES! I NEED CHANGE!

Dyscalculia
For the past three quarters or so I've been running around the school with my head help up high thinking I'm some kind of mother fucking genius. Like man, A'S - ALL EFFING QUARTER! EACH ONE OF THEM! Then I go back and take some general education classes I need to take, English and Math it's like damn. Sure English is one of my best subjects, but English classes suck. What's worse? Math. I HATE MATH. What's worse than math? HAVING A LEARNING DISABILITY RELATED TO MATH.

God if there were two things I wish I knew when I was in grade school.

1) I have asthma. Great I didn't find that out till my senior year when I was long done embarrassing my ass in P.E. class. Those mile runs really killed me because even as fit as I looked, I could NEVER run those miles. Everyone thought I was a spoiled piece of shit.

2) I have dyscalculia. You know I never even knew that this disorder actually existed UNTIL LAST YEAR THROUGH WATCHING DEGRASSI. I saw Liberty struggling and I was like "WHAT? THAT'S REAL? I HAD THAT LEARNING ABILITY ALL MY FUCKING LIFE AND I LET MYSELF BE RIDICULED FOR IT! AND NO ONE FUCKING TOLD ME?" No instead I put up with ridicule. Like I recall an old adviser I had at one of my schools was "MATH IS EASY! How can you not get this?" Well at first I thought it was just because I'm a woman - what the hell do we know how to do? Then all these years later I have an epiphany and find out I'm retarded in math for a reason. How retarded you ask?

I took Algebra 1 three times in high school. I didn't pass that class till my Junior year. My senior year I took Geometry. I fucking failed that class. I actually shouldn't have graduated because of that but I should be glad I have expertise elsewhere and my teacher passed me anyway. NO I DIDN'T DO ANY NAUGHTY SHIT TO GRADUATE.

So enter me in a math class again. Yes I was high and mighty a quarter ago taking all these advanced classes. This quarter I'm with the ESL students and other people I never thought I'd be in the same room with. It's like "WOW IS THIS THE SAME SCHOOL? WHERE WERE THEY HIDING THESE PEOPLE?" They hid them with the others who are still learning or others who can't learn. I'm a fool and I just break down when I see numbers. And it's sad because I'm guessing this disability is even more rare than Dyslexia. Giving others even more reason to think I'm retarded in the head somewhere when I'm perfectly fine with everything else. ;_; I'm taking idiot math and I still don't understand it. And it's not like the last math class I took where my teacher was a male (I took ALGEBRA ONCE AGAIN in college some years ago) where I could easily get my grade changed just by being cute - my teachers are women. Fuck nation I'm not even from a cute little foreign Asian land that they can relate with me to. >_>;;

So I think for this quarter...I'll have to actually get some grades LOWER THAN AN A! >_<;; That'd normally be no problem for me, but if you're paying for these classes full out of your pocket you better get the most out of it.

Nerd Shit
Still buying shit left and right. I finally got copies of Felipe Smith's MBQ! More on that later. And yeah I do have a cute little wish list to the side and even though I want the games I don't really play them. Instead the only game I actually found myself playing was Mana Khemia - a random impulse buy. It of course lead me to get Ar Tonelico and was terribly disappointed by how cookie cutter that game turned out to be. :(

Indifferent

I deleted some posts written during my angry period. How could I write such harsh words? Well if someone won't fucking listen to you no matter how much you try to get their attention - you get desperate. And I'm over all of that now. I was hurt up to the point that I eventually lost any feelings I had over that matter. Haha - didn't really think that was possible. Putting so much emotion in something up until the boiling meter breaks - bam! I feel nothing.

Life
Anyway I'm finally getting some time off soon. I won't be juggling going to two different schools. Last day of Spring quarter is today and I only have one more class with those high school kids. And that experience was weird. I don't think anyone really caught on to how old I am which is great. On top of that is my dayjob that of course sucks up the majority of my life. ;__; Well sometimes you have to wade through shit to get somewhere. I have seven more classes before I graduate. GAH! Its sad to get paid significantly less than you're worth but once again - "wading through shit" is all I'm doing. Little by little I'll get there. Even though I want it ALL right now. :(

It's also kind of sad feeling like I'm fighting for a lost cause - but hey I'm not one that lets myself get defeated by others. I get mocked by others on a daily basis about how me trying to get into digital art is a lost cause and that I should just give up and marry some rich guy so I can go back to doing my ghey little paintings without having to worry about getting a day job. I'm a prideful sunnavabitch and I like spending my own money - I wouldn't leech off others. Right now I'm kind of in a tight position. Man - I only have my laptop to use and it's running out of gigs - not to mention that one of my back up drives completely died on me - it had A LOT of shit in there too. I can't believe I'm still using my mini wacom graphire tablet. (Though back in the day all I had was a 30GB desktop and a mouse - yet I still managed to paint amazing things - that's even more absurd!) This summer I'm going to upgrade dammit. I'll most likely end up getting another PC - I was planning on a mac but most of the programs I have wouldn't transfer over. =/ Maybe if I get a new laptop it'll be a mac - or what the hell maybe I could just kill the electricity bill and get an imac in the future.

I may be in a shitty situation right now but I'm still completely positive about everything. I don't really mind that not many people have my back when it comes to what I truly want to do. Something even more odd I've noticed when it comes to my work is that people will like it when they think someone else did it. They find out it's actually mine and it's like "OMGWTFNOEZ! I CAN'T LEIK DIZ!" So if anyone wonders why I have that other artist alias with the androgynous name that's one of the main reasons why. (Oh and I guess I should mention I drew the picture above as a movie poster assignment. On my laptop. With gigs slowly depleting.)

Peach Girl & Teenage Drama
I had the sixth volume of Peach Girl since January this year and I didn't watch it until last week. I think I said it before but it's because Suzuka traumatized me SO MUCH that for a while I just couldn't handle watching teen dramas. Not even Degrassi. I got over my pain. Well I also read on in Suzuka to see how Honoka's character would end up. She did get a good ending because when that dumbass Yamato finally realized that he actually liked her - by that time she already found a man that wasn't a dumbass. She eventually had to break off any ties with him to respect her current beau. Nope, no drama "lolz trying to be fwendz w ex and beau" She cut that fucker off. And Yamato later knocked up Suzuka and they have their own shitty retarded family in a one room bedroom - the size of my closet. Honoka still has a bright future while the dumbass lives in a walk in closet of some sort. Yes, that was a brilliant ending for Honoka. I'm no longer scarred.

Peach Girl and Suzuka have pretty much the same message - to never give up. But I think there's times you should learn to give the fuck up. I can't remember what badly influenced me (oh fuck - I do remember METAL GEAR SOLID 2) but I think it was after a long, long, long, long, talk Otacon had about his drama is that it lit a spark in my head and made me think of a guy I thought I was doomed forever with. I all of a sudden made it a goal for him to come back to me. Oh fuck now I ended up embarassing the flying shit out of myself and worst of all was labeled as a psycho stalker. Don't fucking listen to those messages SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO LEARN TO GIVE UP. Like how Honoka gave up on that fucktard Yamato. Yamato didn't give up on Suzuka - that's why they now have a family of their own. A family of retards. A family of retards that live in a closet.

And I remember watching the last episode of Peach Girl three years ago. There was Toji, a great guy much like how Honoka was great. Momo runs the fuck back to Kiley. Now at least Momo didn't get knocked up in the end - but she still had to face ex-drama with the dumbass. Shit she wouldn't have to face with Toji. If you're with a dumbass sometimes it's better to just give up. No, don't try changing them, don't waste time to show that you're devoted to them and only to them, and worst of all for you prideful people - no don't play that game "I WANT TO BE LIKED MOST!" because it's a waste of time. Sometimes it's better to just admit defeat and walk off like nothing ever happened. Not all battles are worth winning. It's never worth wasting your life to win the affection of an idiot.

Something both Peach Girl and Suzuka have in common. But although Suzuka's target audience is men, it's 8 million times more stupid that Peach Girl could ever be.

But anyway I thought the commentary was funny for the last episode of Peach Girl. Basically the English cast (the people that voiced Momo, Kairi, Sae, & Toji) got together and commented about the series. Most of all commented on how Momo is so irritated that people think she's a slut even though she runs around dressed like a slut. And I wondered if I was in the minority that was angry that Toji lost - but even they commented how the good guy never wins. (Well at least he hit it first - AT THE VERY LEAST.)

Ugh. I also finished up buying all the volumes of Paradise Kiss (seeing how hard it kind of is to now that Geneon is gone) and seriously - out of all the shitty shojo I own that's one of the only series I can think of where the girl doesn't end up with the dumbass. (Although they didn't really show who Yukari ended up with in the anime.) It's just a damn shame Paradise Kiss isn't that fun to watch. It was a perfect manga to turn into an anime - but somehow even after all the people they got involved to make it great - it sucks. =/ It's still drawn pretty though. It's no Akio Sugino/Osamu Dezaki masterpiece, but for a more recent anime it's drawn better than anything else out there.

EDIT: So yeah Spring Quarter is over. Got two weeks off. Man I got so used to working at my job I tried to close a handicapped door (the doors that close and open automatically) - man what a fucking idiot I am! XD

Busy

I've been busy like fuck lately. Basically what my days have been like is that I go to my day job for five days. For one of my work days I go to driving school before I go to work. For my days off I go to driving school for one of them, the other day off I go to school for about seven hours. If I'm not doing any of that I'm dRaW!|\|g/illustrating - whatever you want to call it. Basically I don't have any days off. I'll finally get two days off (completely) this upcoming weekend though. Not to mention I've been having some interesting issues going on in my personal life. It's a big thing for a nerd when their r/l becomes more interesting than their video game life. Like hell I bought Mana Khemia, Baroque, Persona 3: FES, & Arcana Heart and haven't really got around to playing any of them. Won't be playing them for a while either because even if I wanted to I couldn't because I need a new memory card. (Damn should've got a PS3 when I could back when it had backwards compatibility just so I wouldn't have to buy memory cards)

No details said - but my life needs to be made into a fucking shojo manga. I swear.

When You Wait TOO Long

That's the stages I go through when I wait. And I spent a damn good portion of my life waiting. Not fun years.

Anyway I might as well draw new pictures (although chibified since we all know that's the easiest shit to draw) for new posts. Saves me the time of adding cute captions to already existing pictures.

Decap Attack

- What the fuck is the point of making a guide just to point important information to their website instead? I'm actually not referring to Final Fantasy 9's strategy guide. I'm referring to this state's driver's manual. So I got my permit, but it's without the picture because I didn't know which documents to bring that'd prove my residency.

- Anyway one great piece of news turned my mood around. One day I was like "OH HELL NO - GIVE ME THAT FUCKING GUN" till I learned that the situation twisted around into something good for once. But I'm not getting completely giddy yet. Need to solve one more mystery before I throw confetti around.

- I also got on the dean's list at school since I think my GPA last year was 3.89. (Took 3 classes, got two perfect 4.0's and a 3.7.) Nah I'm no genius since I just took three digital art classes. Because I better be getting 4.0's in those classes - I didn't spend all this time behind a computer for nothing!

- There's this weird guy I've come across in the past year. I've met and shook hands with him as if we've first met THREE TIMES NOW. Something about me just attracts psycho bitches and crazy women with severe mental disorders that feel they must attach their hip to mine and stalk me wherever I go.

Fall from Grace

Normally when women have stalkers they're those psycho bitches, like that one that threatened to kill Misa Amane or some shit. My stalkers more than always end up being WOMEN. Psycho bitch women that claim to hate me but won't stop fucking following me and watching my every move. Seriously if I think about it I don't think I've ever had any guy stalkers. *thinks* Nope, they were all women. Let me think of some random stalkers I've had. Oh man - in grade school this group of Mika "haters" fucking stalked the shit out of me. I recall one time where I just got out of the cafeteria to be alone for a couple minutes. Once I got up I found this group of girls on my tail claiming how slow of a walker I am. WHY WERE YOU FOLLOWING ME? And let's not forget about this stalker I wrote about. Sure I included a guy in there too but he didn't stalk me. He just tried to one up me. Then of course enter another crazy stalker who won't even let me take a piss in peace. Really, you know you have severe mental issues if you follow me into the mother fucking bathroom. What - wanna jot down in your diary "OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE MIKA. SHE DIDN'T DO A NO. 2 BUT SHE DID A NO.1"

I just don't get what's the point of it - just continuously watching me to jot down every single wrong move I make in their cute little notebook. I'm a fucking nerd and I don't even have the time to be over analyzing MUCH LESS EVEN CARE what someone else does.

No matter what kind - stalkers are always bad. But when you claim to hate someone yet can't stop watching their every move you've got some heavy psychological problems going on. Why do I always have to get tangled in this shit.

If there's one thing I wish I could have back - it's my dignity. My life has been shaping up since the fall years ago but I still can't believe some of the shit I have to go through. During my golden age I would've never thought times would get this bad. It's so bad it's like I don't want anyone from my past to see me right now. There was once a time when I used to be riding that high horse looking down on everyone else like I'd never have to walk their ground. Now I'm like some little bitch with a collar around my neck shoveling shit in the mud trying to claw my way back to the top.

==========
Well while I'm sulking in my pain I've been watching My So Called Life. Jared freakin' Leto... yes I remember this show greatly because of him. It's much more like the older Degrassi than Degrassi: TNG, though not as good since there's actually a main character in MSCL. The main thing that makes Degrassi great is that there is no main characters and you're able to see into the minds of all the cookie cutter high school characters and their issues. It is funny to look back at all the bad fashion sense in MCOL though. Yep, those were the grunge days...

Too Old for this Shit

Since my site is up that means the entries in here will be more about random shit and probably updated more frequently. I'm really not liking the layouts of both this blog and my website - but they'll have to get a makeover sometime in mid-June. I'm far too busy to try working on anything right now.

In one of my classes we had to make a font set - the image above is a sample of the font I made. It actually doesn't look too bad!

Anyway I'm finally working on getting my driver's license. I'm in my fucking 20's now. Ugh. I did try to get it in my teens (when I was 17) but I only got up to getting my permit. ...Now I'm re-doing some shit over again (thanks Guam, you were such a shithole it seems that I have to repeat everything I did in the past) WITH TEENAGE KIDS. And I guess in America kids can take driver's ed class in school so you're pretty much a retard here if you make it to your 20's without a driver's license. I just had to go to the shittiest high school ever. I dread the day one of them asks me what high school I go to.

But I'll just think of it this way, even Piccolo and Goku had to get their driver's license later on in life too. After the 8 millionth time they saved the world from exploding. (Though I don't think either of them actually got their license.)

Reawakening

- The very few of you who visit this blog may notice some old posts are missing. I'm moving those posts to my website which I'm still in the process of creating. I was trying to create a website last summer with just HTML but it got so tedious I just said "FUCK THIS." I then decided to wait after I took a dreamweaver class so I can make a website without much stress. During that time I decided to write some articles here. The text for my site has been written long ago (in my site you'll find shit I wrote like two years ago) but the main problem was actually getting a website up. Ugh. Fucking layouts. Such a pain in the ass to make. But nonetheless I finally have layouts done and now what I have to do is much spell checking, copy + paste, and blah to get the site up.

- PERSONA 4. Yes Persona 4. It's amazing that once the scans were leaked everyone was raving about Persona 4. My thoughts? ... =/ Persona has become Final Fantasy to me now. Not only that, there's now a gap between Persona fans just like Final Fantasy. Final Fantasy VII was the game that brought LOADS of newcomers to the series. FFVII managed to be such a success they took away great shit that was in the earlier series from the recent games. Worst of all it's now a tradition to include games with angst-ridden stories, wannabe badass main characters, ANGST, ANGST, ANGST, ANGST, and angst. The only new game (not including XI) that didn't have that was FFXII, most likely the reason why a great deal of fans get angry that there wasn't any high school bullshit romance or shit.

Now the Persona series is the same thing. It's a sad thing really. The people behind Persona wanted to get mainstream so bad and the only way they could get mainstream was by getting rid of all the original creators. So for Persona 4 they no longer even have Kazuma Kaneko doing the Persona designs. It sucks but hey this road to disappointment all started with Digital Devil Saga. That game was completely simplified as far as gameplay goes. The characters were interesting and the story was great, but I don't ever want to play through it again because the gameplay was bland. Not to mention they split one game into two - that's like me paying for each disk of Star Ocean 3. Then came Devil Summoner Kuzunoha Raidou for the PS2. I can't even fucking play this game. The weird thing about it is how much it feels like Shadow Hearts. Shadow Hearts is great because it's Shadow Hearts... But Raidou just felt forced. The characters all looked gothic yet they tried to have personalities of normal Japanese RPG characters. And normally with these MegaTen games they were the games to play if you wanted to get away from that cliche shit. WTF.

Finally they got the guy who did the in-game art of Kaneko's designs in Soul Hackers and Persona 2 EP&IS to do the art for Persona 3, Soejima. Soejima is like Tetsuya Nomura. He has a much more friendlier art style that captures the attention of more mainstream audiences. Really when P3 came out I was shocked seeing all these people who would rather jump into a volcano instead of play Persona actually talk about the series.

I do like Persona 3 though (I love Junpei, if he had a figurine I'd waste my money on that shit in an instant) but it's just like FF7 in the sense that it's a great game...but nowhere near as great as the previous titles. Yet it managed to bring LOADS of people into the series. Though I don't know if P3 will ever have fans as stupid as FF7's. "Oh I'm oldschool, I remember back in the day when I played FF7..." How could anyone not realize that there were six games before seven came out? Not to mention there's also the retarded fans that claim that FF7 was the first RPG on the PS...when even the first Persona came out before that. If that were the truth I sure as hell wouldn't have been torturing myself playing Beyond the Beyond as a kid just because it was one of the only RPGs out for the system at the time.

she edited this shit

- I've long past my days of hyping anything. My fangirl days will return whenever a new Suikoden game is announced. As long as the writer isn't Junko Kawano. I had my hopes set on that new Kirby console game but it was first announced in 2005. It's now 2008 and there's still no new info about it. All except that it almost got canned. But I think I'm looking forward to playing one new game in development, Samurai Spirits Sen/Samurai Shodown: Edge of Destiny

At first this game just looked like a Soul Calibur knock off, a damn shame considering how much longer SS has been out. But with the new footage they did bring back all the blood and gore. No, not Mortal Kombat blood and gore, but the sexy somewhat realistic gore the original 2D game had. They better not just limit it to cutting up men, the women must be torn apart too. As for the other SS 3D games, I've never played the console one (don't care to either) but I have played the first blocky 3D game once. It was fun. Here's hoping this 3D version, one that actually has nice graphics and might actually be the complete package is teh awesome.

And speaking of Samurai Shodown, I think that's the only fighting game series I ever truly liked up until this day. (Oh that and Rival Schools but I'm not getting into that.) The memories dammit. I remember always getting into a fight with this kid long ago because he thought I was a stupid Paris Hilton girl. Then our interests intertwined when he found out I was a fan of SS. Aww. /end of pointless flashback.

- I beat the crappy Phoenix Wright earlier this week, Justice for All. The only great case was case 4. And it's been bothering me for some time how a great deal of the characters look like they popped out from Rival Schools. Then OMGWTF I find out it's by the same artist!

GAMEFAN: So back in the day...

With three assignments due in the next three days and with me and my lack of capability to know how to use time wisely, I decided to read this gamefan thread from beginning to end. It took four hours to read through all of that, the same time it would've taken to knock out two of my assignments. But hey, I do work well when I rush. :D

The memories, THE MEMORIES dammit. Gamefan was definitely a part of my childhood. I have so many memories, even with that magazine. It takes me back to the old days when internet wasn't anywhere near as widely available as today. Fuck, just random memories cross my mind.

- Happily walking home with a popsicle in one hand and a new issue of Gamefan in the other that I bought with my what - five dollar allowance? Yes, I just had to be a kid and have no cash when good games actually came out. Once I finally became an adult and got my paycheck from doing literally back breaking work I find I have nothing much to spoil myself with.

- This girl making fun of me for always having video game magazines on me (guess what magazine that was - GAMEFAN) during a bus ride on field trip. Right after she made fun of me this hot cop (that also came along to the field trip) asks if he could look through my mag since he was actually a gamer himself. That girl then eats her words up and tries to act like she played video games too.

- Oh man, before FF7 came out I ate up every single article they had on that game. Yes, this was back then when info wasn't just a click a way, I had to wait for new issues of gamefan just to be updated about the world of gaming. And those FF7 previews. I remember the one that had a Shinra family tree I think, the one with like I don't know how many pages of new FF7 info - I'd stare at those pages for hours anticipating the game. (A game that didn't live up to its hype at all. BITCHES!)

- Now back in the day I guess I should've sent something when that whole "OMG GURLZ PLAY GAMEZ 2" thing when down when Jen Seng and some other girl gamers started sending letters to postmeister. I don't know why I never went through with that.

- Then when I was stationed in Japan for four years, I went nearly a year without reading a gamefan since I obviously couldn't find any there. Then one day on the navy base I find an issue of gamefan on the racks. Finally I'd have my gamefan fix again. I remember they had some section there where you could show off your gaming collection and talk about how you're life is as a gamer. I was a ko-gal at the time so I was really thinking about entering something. (Wouldn't that have been unique, a ko-gal gamer living in Japan entering something in Gamefan?)

...Then months passed and I wondered why there were no new gamefan mags at the stands. I later find out the magazine died.

Much tears ensued. ;__;

GameGo came around, and I recall going to this big ass bookstore in Shibuya (I don't remember the name but anyone who's been to Shibuya should know what I'm talking about. There's FLOORS of books there) and there was a section that had a bunch of American video game magazines. I dug through all of them looking for an issue of GameGo. I later find out that magazine got canned after one issue. O_O

But yes I had some memories on the shortlived GameGo days too, I used to frequently post on the boards. I remember a topic about girl gamers went to flames.

- As for my favorite editors? They were definitely Nick Rox and Takuhi. Man it's too bad Nick Rox didn't make too many posts on that thread. I wanted to hear more about him. I had no idea he actually took part in translating Suikoden II...that being a game that was terribly translated and so badly translated that nearing the end of the game there's unreadable text. It was so bad they didn't even bother translating various parts near the end of the game and left it in Japanese. And in English text that came out as jibberish. Oh and reading that he also really likes Suikoden II made me joygasm. XD I had no idea Nick Rox was so young when he worked there though, I was under the assumption everyone was in their 20's. Especially him. o_O

But I'd say most of all my favorite editor was Shidoshi. When we finally got internet at my house I was later introduced to livejournal. The perfect place for an angsty teenager. I then went on my search for Persona fans via interest in livejournal and came across this guy who I thought could be Shidoshi. Speaking to the actual Shidoshi only a simple click away? Hell no, this can't be true! I was so shocked with glee, hell I even sent him an email inquiring if that was him. Seriously, that was one of my dreams come true, to regularly be in contact with Shidoshi. It's just unfortunate that I had to meet him while I was still an angsty teenager. And believe me, I was fucked up back then. So fucked up I even wasted my time to write ten entries per day just bitching about nothing. No joke that I was angsty, I was often angry over nothing. But what was nice is that Shidoshi did actually read some of my posts and gave me advice. Hell if I were him I would've taken me off the f-list and avoided contact considering how...how should I nicely put this...how "mentally unstable" I was.

Though the main thing that's sad about reading that thread, is finding out what kind of person Dave Halverson was (is?) Man, it's like the time I found out Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny weren't real. ...A lot of the characters in Gamefan were actually...HIM?

Now back then, say around 95'-98' or so, it was my dream to work with gamefan and become an editor. I didn't know about the crazy shit they put up with, especially the whole "running to cash their pay check as soon as possible" thing. I guess it was heartbreaking to find out what I saw as my "dream job" was actually not so golden.

As for today, I wouldn't want to be a game editor. Games aren't interesting at all anymore. Sure, there's random gems here and there I'll get excited about, but the whole "OMG DEY LOOK LEIK REAL PPLZ" thing as far as graphics go killed what made games...games. Games are no longer about gameplay, it's about perfecting every strand of hair, including every single wrinkle on someone's face, the skin texture, anything to make the game look realistic. That's the main point of most games nowadays, that and shitty ass story. Games have become more like CG movies. You know it's sad when the only game I'm honestly excited about is the only game I've played thousands and thousands times before though under supposedly different titles.

Fucking Dynasty Warriors.

Though I will say Koei did push it too damn far when it came to fucking up all the DW6 characters making them clones of one another. That said, I still am looking forward to Musou Orochi 2. You goddamn malibu stacy with a new hat!

But yes, thinking back on how games used to be good, that's also synonymous with gamefan and how video game magazines used to be good. No game magazine out there captivated me like Gamefan though. Something that made Gamefan different is how much personality the writers had. I can actually remember their names unlike say EGM. Though video game magazines WERE much better back then, back then getting a new copy of EGM was like getting a new copy of the bible considering how thick that magazine used to be. Now video game magazines cost more with far less content. =/ Another thing that made Gamefan stand out (aside from the terrible layouts XD) were the pictures. I can still perfectly visualize the Persona preview in my mind, and how badly I wanted to hump wanted that game. I can perfectly remember the Snatcher article, the Suikoden article, the racial slur article, the FF9 article that had no mention of FF8 when it came to dramatic Final Fantasy moments... Those were damn good times.

The memories, the memories dammit. I've been a gamer far too long. And the saddest part about that, is how it's now turning into something in the past because this generation of games suck. For me, my greatest memories as a gamer were definitely the NES-PS1 days. Oh I remember the days when Arcades were alive and everyone was making fighting games. I used to always go the arcades and piss off everyone by beating them. (I'd be pissed off too, one thing to loose to a girl, but another to loose to a child who had too much damn time on her hands to learn the moves of every character.) One time I beat this guy in Tekken, a guy that no one else could beat, (and it attracted a SHITLOAD of people) it almost escalated into a physical fight because I emasculated this guy in front of so many other men. Got so bad he even started talking about pissing on me. Damn. o_O Too bad when I talk about the days of old, the days when I actually did take fighting games seriously, I get treated like they didn't exist at all and I was just playing crappy people. *sigh* Memories to keep to myself I guess. =/ Now I'm not going to get into the whole "GRRL GAMER" debate, but it sure sucks to be treated like shit just because I have a fucking vagina and tits.

Well I need to shut up and get my work done so I can reminisce later.

*sniffs* The good old days dammit, the good old days. ;__;

Split Personalities

With internet, whatever you type could easily be seen by someone else. And whenever I get bored I google people's names. I tried googling my real name just to find some old blogs (that I stupidly can't erase - damn stupid 14 year old Mika) and dirt about myself after finding dirt about others but it looks like I came out clean. So instead I had to remember some old URLs. I was smart and closed down pretty much all of them, all except one. I hated that self, and I always wanted to ignore it. Of course today I'm still ashamed of my obsessive stalkerish ways but I finally came to terms with myself. That's not me anymore so I might as well go back and see how "that" Mika was.

And I was fucked up. So fucked up I actually listed King of Fighters and TEKKEN 4 as some of my favorite games. Oh, and guess what my favorite anime was. DRAGON BALL FUCKING Z. It's also interesting how different I was. I was pretty much an angry goth. I always spoke about hating everything. Yet what was I hating? I didn't know what it was like to truly be in a hellhole till I lived in Guam for four years. Those years were empty, and that was when I finally learned how bad things could get.

When I learned the hard way, I just learned to go by multiple aliases. It's really awkward when you find out shit about people that you're not supposed to know but you know anyway just by being bored and googling around. Well their fault anyway, they left it up on the private world called internet for everyone else to see.

Fight Club
After watching Rome I've been watching tons of teenage anime. Damnation, all the angst. I just needed to watch something manly before I cut myself. (I've put Suzuka on hold, it's too much of a headache to watch. I'll get back two months from now or so.) So I decided to watch Fight Club, otherwise known as the "anti-date" movie. Hearing that and seeing the title of the movie I almost decided against watching it because I associate anything manly and stupid with Fist of the North Star and I didn't want to be watching through shit like that again.

Then I heard the words "bitch tits" and was glued till the movie ended.

No one told me how psychological Fight Club actually is. It was much like finding out Berserk has more psychological elements (which you'd never know just by looking at it.) Too bad I already knew the twist, because the twist is what got me interested in the movie. Black humour, cynical, satire. YES.

There's a lot of great comments in the movie that really made me think. Yes, it's sad how tons of stories out there try to be deep by including references to the bible or some shit like "OMGWTF I REFERENCED JESUZ I DEEP!" when all this movie needed to do was just look at how we live. Tons of cynical comments:

Tyler Durden: Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

Narrator: [to Tyler, while looking at a Calvin Klein-esque ad on the bus] Is that what a real man is supposed to look like?

That made me recall yesterday when I was waiting for class to start. I picked up this fitness mag and started looking through it. Then I stopped and looked at the cover and thought "Wait a second. Why the hell am I looking at this? I don't want to look like that!"

Too much teenage angst
So lately I've been watching Suzuka. Considering how much I don't give a shit about this series there will be OMGWTFSPOILERS GALORE!

It's about a 16 year old kid with fucked up black hair named Yamato who instantly "falls in love" with a bitchy lass with short blue hair named Suzuka who is the top track team star or some shit. Suzuka is a confused angry little girl. Because some guy she had a crush on who was a lot like Yamato died before she could ever return his feelings she's angry and afraid to get into a relationship. But she undeniably likes Yamato too but likes to play bitch games.

Then there's this other girl who's significantly much more attractive and has a way better personality than Suzuka on the side named Honoka. She's a timid girl, but yet at the same time knows what she wants, even if that means squeezing her breasts in front of Yamato to try to turn him on. But no matter how much kindness she shows to Yamato, he still pines for Suzuka. For less than a month Yamato actually dates Honoka but later break up due to Honoka's suspicions that he's still "in love" with Suzuka which of course turns out to be true. Because like, nothing gets in the way of true love.

Later on after much bitchslapping Suzuka finally confesses that she has been in love (IN LOVE) with Yamato ever since they first met. Many wasted chapters later Yamato knocks Suzuka up, they decide to have the kid, get married, and both quit university to support their little family. Why on fuck's sake would Yamato want to marry and stay with such a crazy bitch? Well that's men for you. And thinking about it on Suzuka's side, she's one lucky sunnavabitch to have a guy who has nothing but blind loyalty to her.

And if you're asking WHY THE HELL would I want to watch such atrocious shit. Well first of all this was one of the first series that the beau recommended to me. I looked at it and of course wasn't interested. Then I started watching Peach Girl (another terrible series BUT IT'S CRACK) and saw the Suzuka trailers. Now whoever did those trailers did a good job of making Suzuka look interesting. Hell, I almost went out and bought the whole series based on the previews alone in anticipation that it'd be like Peach Girl. Lastly I made him watch through 25 episodes of Peach Girl so I must do the favor in return. Now of all things I don't know why I chose Peach Girl for him to watch. As for Suzuka it reminds him of his HS years. Hmm... =/

But Suzuka is draining. So draining that I don't feel like finishing the series. I watched up to episode 17. Oh, and one of the main reasons that really got me interested in Suzuka was that idiot Yamato was actually dating a nice girl, Honoka, for a while. But considering the show is named Suzuka it's obvious who he ends up with. But I liked that Honoka arc. She reminds me a lot of myself. Fuck, everything she goes through reminds me of my past self. Liking some dumbass, trying to give him everything, getting nothing in return, in the end feeling useless. Now I know normally I am cold and distant, but when it came to him I truly liked him. I was nice like Honoka and everything. I MADE THE EFFORT TO BE NICE. And when I gave him something I wasn't expecting anything materialistic in return, just a simple thanks. I didn't get that either. And yes, thanks to stupid female emotions you run back to him anyway despite all the warning signs. I'd keep coming back thanks to the constant pulling me back in and then pushing me away the next day. You'd think a guy would like a girl who knows what she wants, but I guess in this day and age playing hard to get and push & pull, generally being a confused bitch is what's in. I'm just glad that in the end Honoka ends up with someone who truly likes her and treats her the way she should be treated. What I wish I learned earlier - Women should never pursue and magically fall onto a man's lap.

Oh, and no I did not fuck up the pictures, I know that's Ranma 1/2 up there. Ranma 1/2 is kind of a lot like Suzuka (the 1st season at least, before it turned into a random nonsense.) Except not stupidly written. And when it is, it's done on purpose. Like the fact that Ranma is half girl half boy. EWWW WTF! Well it's such a ridiculous story and far too complicated to explain. But since he fell into a cursed Chinese spring he now turns into a girl when splashed by cold water, but turns back into a male when splashed with hot water. Blah blah blah, forced by their dads Ranma and Akane become engaged for the sake of the dojos. Akane is also a tomboy, name any sport and she plays it. They start out hating each other. Under the wackiness of Ranma, there's a bond between Ranma and Akane. And their relationship is a lot like Yamato and Suzuka, all except they actually have CHEMISTRY.

As for me and Peach Girl, well hands down the main thing that series has going for it is that the main character Momo LOOKS like a ko-gal. But...yeah can't judge everything by image. Though that show is addicting in a guilty pleasure way. They really NEED to make Hot Gimmick into an anime so I can have something else to bitch about.

I don't look back
Damn, really - the more I watch these high school romances makes me glad I was never involved in one. Though probably the only time in my life I ever became an idealist was when I met this one guy. I was young, stupid, I thought we were destiny, and thought we'd be together for a long time. Push & pull dammit, young, stupid, can't say directly what you want, play stupid games. That's what that was. On the other hand I did do tons of shit before entering high school, and I'm glad I experienced relationships with people much older than me at the time because it gave me my view of reality much earlier. If it weren't for all of that, I probably would've gotten knocked up as a 16 year old gladly living as a housewife at age 20. Or something.

What really sucks about high school romances is that you get caught up in thinking you'll be together forever. You never really think about how things are going to be after you graduate. That's what tears most HS relationships apart. They're not idealistic and crappy like Suzuka. And really when I look back at myself as an adult right now, I see how much of an idiot I was being and that I truly was wrong. I didn't know what really being in love was like. (But no matter what anyone says, when you're a teenager you'll always believe that you're right) Because everything is so much easier in high school. You get to see each other everyday, have moments in the hallways before class, have fun after school, get a part time job for extra cash, and all that other shit. Shit you won't have after you graduate. And really, I see post-high school (or non-school relationships in general) much more romantic. You actually have to make time to see that person and whatnot. Everything isn't so easy. Was it love? I'm sure some would define it as that, but if I'm going to use that word it better be way more fucking romantic than high school bullshit.

There was as time where all I would do is lay around and think about my past, my past as a careless teenager. But one day when I finally woke from that bloody reverie, I realized how much time I wasted wanting something that was already gone long, long, ago. So my past is a touchy subject. I erased everything that reminded me of it (I kept the cute notes me and my friends used to pass around in class though), suppressed it, pretty much killed it. I killed my past to move on. I'm a fucking adult now, I don't need to be a child clinging on to memories of long ago, not wanting to move on.

Because why waste your life thinking of some one-two year relationship when post high school life is far longer than that. At age twenty-eight will I look back wanting that childish romance? Hell no, I'd want a hell of a lot more freedom than that. High school was fun, but there's many years to live after the teenage years. There's far too many years worth of new memories to create instead of linger around in old ones.

Damn I hate Final Fantasy 8.

Another Year

Lessons of 2007

- Don't eat any muffins that aren't Otis Spunkmeyer.
So yeah, stupid Mika got hungry and ate all her snacks. Hungry as shit, she decided to eat a muffin that was left in her cubby from someone who didn't even like her. The kind of idiot that would go so far to do Romance of Three Kingdom bullshit on her just because she didn't like her. Mika, being a woman, she did something women are best at. She did something erratic. She fucking ate that muffin. That muffin left Mika with the flu or some shit for four days (not to mention this happened over CHRISTMAS FUCKING BREAK) and with a crack whore's voice for two weeks.

Never eat a muffin that isn't Otis Spunkmeyer.

- Never magically fall from the sky onto a man's lap.
Now there was something she didn't quite comprehend at the time. Her whole life she'd always see nice guys bitch and whine and bitch and whine and bitch and whine and bitch and whine and bitch and whine and bitch and whine about why girls don't like them. She always aimed to be the girl that'd give nice guys the light of day. Mika always was skillful in attracting assholes being an asshole herself who doesn't believe in sweet nothings and sugarcoated "I''M GONNA GET INTO UR PANTS LOL" lines, so she'd always reject them.

But a pattern she soon came to realize, is how the nice guys would tear her into shreds and run back to that woman they're bitching and whining about. She soon realized that nice guys probably just bitch and whine and bitch and whine and bitch and whine and bitch and whine and bitch and whine because they want what isn't attainable. They like something to bitch about. Much like how assholes usually pursue her, because she rejects them. In reality people just make shit hard on themselves just so they have something to bitch about. But Mika, being just as stupid as any other dumbass out there, dived head first into more drama. Magically falling from the sky and landing on a man's lap. She believed all the lies, let herself be devalued, put up with all the talk about how someone who was great at sugarcoating kindness was much better than her. Just a few simple words put together to sting like a motherfucker. Much tears ensued.

Everyone just wants something to bitch about. Happiness is just a word without meaning. Awkward, unconfident, & fucked up nice guys want the Dead or Alive girls to be real, just as a trophy, or as a pet that they can take care of. Something to show off when they go outside. After they achieve that much nice guys will look at them feeling a sense of accomplishment "OMFG NICE GUYS WIN 2!" Assholes admit they're assholes. Nice guys push tooth and nail to say that they're nice. But in the end they're all the same, nice guys are just sugarcoated assholes who'll never admit they're even more selfish bastards than the real assholes themselves.

Because honestly I don't think there was ever a battle for nice guys to begin with. They're the unconfident shitfaced losers. They just get angry about how everything is seemingly "so easy" for other guys and why everything must be "oh-so-hard" for them. They're just angry little shits wishing that women would magically fall in their laps. But when that happens, they normally don't notice, they take it for granted, and they're so fucking oblivious, they won't even notice when it's gone because they don't ever even realize this girl who fell on their lap was there in the first place. They were too fixated on bitching about that bitch of a woman though they'll be the first to defend them if you, the understanding girl agrees that the woman they're pining over is fucked in the head. Then they will tell you to shut the fuck up because they love her. Oh damn, I know I will get mobbed for saying that. I wouldn't be speaking this way if it weren't from personal experience.

Thanks for wasting my fucking time.


- Nice people make great stepping stones
Mika being away from the outside world for a great period of time, she was quite confused how the other side of the world worked once she moved from her rock. In that rock girls who were nurturing, caring, nice, loving, quiet, and the such were valued more there. Mainly because guys there are mother fucking pansies and want to believe they're king of their own world, and not to say they never learned how to wipe their own ass after they moved out from their mommy's basement.

Anyway, Mika doesn't like trouble. Not because she's a pacifist, she just doesn't like starting drama over stupid shit. Well in 2007 she met one of the most fucked up people she could ever hope to meet. Sae no. 3, a much older Sae, a much more homely unattractive Sae, like all Sae's she always had something against Mika for not reason like Momo. Mika learned that some people continue to age throughout time though their mental capacity stays as a sixteen year olds. Throughout the summer of 2007 Mika was put through much drama, unneeded drama no less. Since Mika's upbringing was completely different from any other normal woman's, she never quite understood women that well. How they'll get angry at you for no reason. You could just be standing there minding your own business and they'll find shit to pick a fight with you about. Mika on the other hand, while often mistaken as shy and whatnot - she just finds it extremely difficult to small talk. Small talk just isn't one of her qualities. If she doesn't give a shit about someone she just won't talk to them. But for other women? When they find someone they don't like, they find that as an opportunity to learn everything about them just so they could shove in their face about how terrible their whole life is just because they didn't get married at age 16 and had six kids by 21.

Mika not wanting to continue a battle about nonsense ended up being stepped all over. Not to mention men these days are a rare breed. Men have instead transformed into another species of women, spending long hours in the bathroom fixing themselves up, putting on their perfume, becoming even more passive than women used to be, they'll just stand behind the sidelines even knowing damn well they can do whatever it is they need to do to make a chickenhead stop talking. Especially if it's their job to do so. But nonetheless, Mika was trampled over, and had to learn again what her past life was. What it was like to be a stone cold asshole. What is was like to let someone know that if they got hit by a truck the next day no one would give a flying shit. What it was like to let someone know that their complete existence is a waste of time.

Mika learned that being nice is nothing but a pile of shit. Just a mask, the same pussy defenseless mask nice guys put on just so they can think "....Maybe if I do this they won't pick a fight with me, maybe they'll like me more? ...Maybe they'll leave me alone then.

Tell the truth and nothing but the truth. If someone is boring you or being nothing but a fucking cunt - stop bullshit before it escalates. Let idiots know they're an idiot. If you feel you're obligated to be nice and say a few words you don't mean, don't say it. Not unless you know you'll get rewarded for lying. Givers are push overs.

- The endless battle to stay thin
Mika doesn't quite get America's obsession with all women wanting to be rock hard without a pinch of body fat on them. It seems everyone is aiming for the athletic body built because body fat is evil nowadays. She even tried going on the slim fast diet this year but she soon realized she liked to eat, just as the guys get to do without having anyone behind their back repeatedly telling them to loose weight. She soon got off that diet. But that never stops the voices from behind from bitching her to loose weight.

For fuck's sake I'm only a size fucking five. Six at the most. I'm a real woman. I live. I EAT to live. Let a girl fucking live and quit bitching me about my weight. I don't see every single guy out there with the body built of Conan the fucking barbarian, yet i don't look at people expecting them to be every bit of my fantasy.

People are flawed. I fucking accept that. If you don't have any flaws physically then there's gotta be some that can't be seen with the eye. Not to say I'd rather be with someone who has flaws than someone who is insanely perfect in every way. And what is it with this obsession to be rock hard. Conan the fucking barbarian is rock hard. HE'S A GUY Shit, I liked the old days better when women were supposed to be the opposite of that, soft. Do men these days really want to be fucking rock hard women? SHIT. Damn, go enjoy your fucking silicon, rock hard abs, no ass, lack of thighs and whatnot. "YAY I STICK MY DICK BETWEEN ROCKS!"

Being accepted for yourself is nothing but some lie adults tell to children, much like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and leprechauns. It's tough shit to find someone who would genuinely care about you no matter what, physical appearance seems to rule all. Seriously, go try finding someone who'd still care about you and only you if your face burnt off. I look at myself I just see a normal breathing human. I go to the fucking doctor, they say I'm healthy. Go elsewhere? Oh I'm fucking obese and I need to loose weight before I die prematurely from being a size 5, go get those rock hard abs bitch!

Go put your dick between two rocks, row back and forth, and leave me the fuck alone.

Other: Final Fantasy
Okay, say something positive. Well I did come to like FFXII. I spent 80+ hours in it already. It's a pain in the ass to play at first since it's so damn slow. But once I filled up the gambit section of my license boards it got WAY better. I love the realistic artwork - I actually don't have to feel ashamed of liking FFXII.

It's lacking on story greatly...but I'd rather have it this way instead of some 40 hour angst fest. Thanks FF 7, 8, & 10. 9 was different to me because at least Zidane did realize he was being a whiny bitch when he complained about his home he knew nothing about once he finally saw it. Not to say he was outgoing and not some self pitying wannabe stone cold bastard. Of course the real drawback with 9 is that the battle system is so DAMN SLOW and looks like kiddy shit. Honestly I went about a year bitching about how ugly 9 was till I sat down and decided to play it as a joke. Surprisingly I became hooked and grew to like all the characters.

Even though XII lacks in story, I felt Ashe and Rasler actually were a "REAL" couple. Not juvenile high school bullshit like Rinoa/Squall and Tidus/Yuna. (Not even going to try talking about how bad FF7's love triangle is) And he DIES in the freakin' intro. Whereas 8 & 10, pretty much the whole game is spent showing "DErE rOmAnCe." So yeah, I'm glad as hell XII lacks an embarrassing make out scene between two kids with some Chinese song playing in 10 (shut up I know it's Japanese) and a "romantic lost in space" scene in 8. Oh and I better not forget 7 where the Turks had a "thang" for the lead females. Lame. =/

Now I actually DO like romance in stories. ONLY if it's done right. Zidane and Garnet was believable, Cecil and Rosa was believable, and Locke and Celes was believable. But I'd rather not play a game that shoves high school romances in my face. Which I'm glad FFXII doesn't do at all. Before I played XII I was expecting to see crappy scenes of "romance" between Vaan and Penelo but was surprised how Penelo just acts as an older sister instead. They're undeniably close, but at least they're not wasting 4 minutes of my time making out under water.

"JIANG WEI COME BACK TO WEI!"

Nerds these days suck
Yeah well there's not enough hours in the day and I never have the time to post. If I do, I'm too damn tired and fall asleep instead.

Anyway the other day I spent four hours at the mall. You'd probably be thinking I came home with lots of shit like I used to - but no. I spent four hours looking for shit to buy but there was nothing I wanted. Back then when I was a kid I used to go to suncoast (this was 95' - when anime was still referred to as "violent Chinese cartoons") with starry eyes hoping that I'd have a collection as huge as the one or two shelves that were full of anime there when I grew up. I go there as a grown up, 1/3 of suncoast is now filled with anime, wallscrolls, and other shit galore. I'm just like "Wow...all these series suck. You know it's bad when I'm only eying the Hello Kitty boxset."

Next stop was this anime store. The place is full of cheap Chinese bootlegs that I probably would be dumb enough to buy if I didn't spend four years in Japan learning the difference between Chinese and Japanese. The only Chinese knock offs I appreciate are the wallscrolls and posters. I was about to buy three Death Note posters but the kid running the store just had to play the most embarrassing shit ever on blast.

FUCKING ONE WINGED ANGEL.

So I'm just trying to look around and I hear this:

Estuans interius
ira vehementi
Estuans interius
ira vehementi







Sephiroth














SEPHIROTH




DUNDUNDUNDUN!!!!



I just felt ashamed of my whole life as a secret nerd being in that store.

Those Death note posters were sexy, but I couldn't take it anymore.

Then I head to Waldenbooks. Now back in the day manga was rare. When I was a kid the most I ever saw were flipped and blown up Ranma 1/2 comics trying to fit in with the other comics in the magazine stand. Now just like Suncoast, manga takes about 1/4 of the store. So here I am probably spending about 20 minutes wondering how so much manga could be in front of me and why I'm not interested at all. I do spot vol. 19 of Berserk but that's a given - of course I'm gonna get that. Ugh. Sucks.

Well I at least now have all the ENG volumes of Berserk:

===========

Had enough of that shit. Was craving McDonalds but I always think back on that one embarrassing incident where I was forced to pay 15 bucks for a fucking value meal. I go there and find out that fugly lady doesn't work there and they hired a manager that knows how to speak English!

HOLY SHIT!

And I got free fries! FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES!

I guess I should also mention since I went there alone I didn't want to be hit on. Great thing about being androgynous I can visually switch from man to female form whenever I want. Went incognito with my male form. Got called an ugly fag and shit. (Definitely not the first time, I recall a past event where a father was so appalled that I was supposedly a guy he kept yelling to his son that I was a fag. LOL!) When I went to buy some cute girl clothes people were looking at me like I was buying clothes for my "girlfriend." People are so blind. It's awesome. Nothing was like scaring people left and right while eating a blizzard from Julius.

JIANG WEI COME BACK TO WEI!
Dynasty Warriors 6

THEY BROUGHT THE CHINESE HEAVY METAL BACK! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!11111 And that's like total sex because for all the other DW games after DW4 they had some pop crap...like they were trying to give something for everyone. It was mediocre instead. But the new OST sounds even better than 4's!

Anyway...several characters got the axe. Everyone got make-overs. Just to make this post extra special long because my next update won't be until a long time later - I'll list my thoughts on their appearances. I can't say anything about their weapons (I could whine about it - but won't know how good/bad they actually are till I play it) until I get the game and play as them. And no I didn't buy the game - i would've if it wasn't hidden in NCSX's site when I had the money for it. :(

Sun Jian: About time they put an age gap between him and his son. I haven't heard much of 35 year old dads and 25 year old sons before.

Sun Ce: ....SON OF A BITCH. SUN CE ACTUALLY LOOKS GOOD! No seriously, he has come a far way since his meat bun DW3 days. Damn.

Sun Quan: He looks much better...but I'll miss the Abraham Lincoln look!

Sun Shang Xiang: She's come a way from the first DW. She didn't look too bad in the first DW. But from then on she's had this annoying tomboy like appearance. HER BODY BUILT! I HATED IT! She's just a fucking stick from the top to the bottom. And worst of all she'd be wearing outfits to show off her tiny ass to the world. But now she actually looks good while still retaining her tomboy image. Thank god they did something with the hair.

Xiao Qiao: Xiao Qiao finally looks potty trained. Oh and her sister isn't around, which I could care less for because I always liked Xiao Qiao more. Just Da Qiao had a better moveset.

Zhou Yu: Can't say which look is better. He looked really good in DW5 too...

Lu Xun: I can't even say how much better he looks. No more tummy bearing Lu Xun!

Huang Gai: His make over is much better, they aged him to look his age.

Lu Meng: Looks better. Can't say if his old Samurai-ish look was better though.

Ling Tong: Looks pretty much the same...I'm saddened they took out his nunchucks.

Gan Ning: Maeda Keiji? Well he looks a lot better now. I hated his old look.

Taishi Ci: Great makeover!

Zhou Tai: His DW4 look is still the best.

Zhang He: He looks much better now...but I'll miss the butterfly wings...

Cao Cao: Not much of a difference with him, but he has a better outfit.

Zhang Liao: Badass.

Sima Yi: He has claws!

Xu Huang: Cool design, but he's still hiding in the background as far as his design goes.

Xiahou Yuan: Did he take his brother's sword?

Xiahou Dun: I cried when I saw him. Okay, not literally. Seeing him with a haircut must be like people's reactions whenever I get drastic haircuts. Now let me tell you that before playing Dynasty Warriors and seeing this incarnation of Xiahou Dun I always dyed my hair. It was Xiahou Dun that inspired me to keep it black. Hence me not dying it for three years straight. But it's okay Xiahou Dun, I know we all need change. I'll be changing too because you let me down you fooker. XD

Dian Wei: He generally looks the same but with a much better outfit. CAN'T WAIT TO USE HIS NEW WEAPON!

Zhen Ji: I loved Zhen Ji's old hair style. Periodically I liked it so much that I'd often cut my hair like her's. It came out bad each time. But what more can I say, imitation is the greatest form of flattery. She does look a lot better now, but at the same time she looks like a normal nice looking Asian girl. (Here I am making that sound common when it's not.) Her old look was more memorable.

Cao Pi: He got a way better outfit, does he still have the long ponytail in the back?

Xu Shu: Not much change. Still the same fat kid.

Zhuge Liang: Haircut, but still looks the same.

Jiang Wei: JIANG WE COME BACK TO WEI! Okay, okay...so he's not in this game. :( He was my favorite. I first fell in love with him in his fobby speaking DW4 ways. ....I saw him grow...he first knew how to speak English, then he got fob, but then he learned how to speak English again. I personally remember him for his fob DW4 ways the most.

Yue Ying: Now officially one of the best looking girls in the series...but isn't she supposed to be fugly with all brains? It doesn't look quite right standing next to Zhuge Liang.

Liu Bei: I LOVE HIS NEW LOOK. Haha, he looks like a commoner.

Zhang Fei: Honestly...I never paid attention to his design. And poor Xing Cai, reverted back to a child.

Guan Yu: Beard good, hair on top - no.

Guan Ping: Someone became a man!

Huang Zhong: Maybe I'll actually use him this time?

Pang Tong: WTF as usual.

Zhao Yun: Love the new outfit!

Wei Yan: They kept the dreads!

Dong Zhou: And you thought he couldn't get any worse!

Diao Chan: Yep, she's the sole reason why Zhen Ji doesn't exist anymore.

Lu Bu: His weapon is fucking awesome. Damn. Can't wait to be the stupid peon that tries going after him.

Zhang Jiao: Doesn't look too much like Jesus anymore!

Yuan Shao: Is that his hair? O_O_O_O_O_O_O


On the subject of Dynasty Warriors, I'm sad that they now finally pronounce the names right. No more "Cow Cow" or god forbid THE ABSOLUTE BEST "Cow PEE".

Persona 3
OMGWTF! ALL THE PERSONA GAMES! Not exactly all from the same region, but I'm working on that. :D


After much bitching and whining last year about how "GHEY" the art looks I decided to give Persona 3 a chance earlier this year. Bought it this summer but never had the time to play it. For one thing it's nothing at all like the past Persona games. Especially when thinking about how great the past Persona games are; being half simulator/half dungeon crawler sounds pretty lame. But it's quite addicting actually.

Now I remember other people talking about how they just couldn't wait to run up tartarus - that random dungeon thingie...I was like "that doesn't sound fun at all!" But something Persona 3 does have is a memorable cast. Yes, the majority of them look like shit, but it took some getting used to for me. It's just like the other Persona games character wise...just shitty looking. But of course the weirdest thing is that this is the same guy that drew the in-game pictures for Persona 2 and Soul Hackers...THE SAME GUY WHO NOW DRAWS THE TRAUMA CENTER characters. And like before I didn't care about Trauma Center at all, not until he started drawing them. But then when it comes to his own art like Persona 3 and Stella Deus it looks like shit.

Anyway, back to talking about the game. Yes, nothing at all like the past Persona's. You're a student who literally lives a double life. Student by day, in tartarus by night. But P3 isn't linear like most Japanese RPGs, you can go to Tartarus almost anytime you want (you're not forced to go) and you're free to go anywhere you want (granted if it's open - like you can't go to school on Sunday because it's closed. Lame example I know!) By day it's somewhat like a dating sim, you build relationships with people in the area. It's always quite monotonous because you only get to go to so few places... The first Persona only took place in a small town place like P3 (Lunarvale) but it wasn't anywhere near as small as P3's world map. Nonetheless I'm assuming they did that just to fully simulate real life. Like me, psh - I go the same places all the time too. And the mall I do go to is shitty just like the one in P3.

One of the main things I find interesting is the MMORPG they talk about in the game - Innocent Sin. Definitely a treat for the people who've played all the past Persona games since there's so many references.

Overall the game is EXTREMELY dumbed down compared to past Persona games. So much shit missing...no demon talking to get Personas...like now you just play a card shuffle game to get new ones. But it's still a great game, especially in this day and age where all new RPGs do is copy Final Fantasy.

- Kirbyness
Been playing Kirby Canvas curse. I just unlocked every single character. Definitely one of the best Kirby games since Super Star.



It's kind of lacking in the story department. And like, we all know Kirby game stories are so great that they've often been compared to the likes of Vagrant Story, Planescape Torment, and such. Surely Squeak Squad will make up that for me since it's about Kirby finding out who stole his strawberry cheesecake. But the gameplay more than makes up for it. Just one of the crappy things is that there are no bosses in this game - you play mini games instead.

Dumbasses on the Bus

Dumbasses
I could get into a long descriptive paragraph about it. But last Friday I had the worst bus ride ever:

- Got on the ghetto bus I've never seen before.
- Bus driver was probably a serial killer. Rude in every way possible.
- These two kids needed to be dropped off at a place but the guy just drove off without giving two shits.
- Worst of all some drug dealer and another girl got on the bus.
- Girl opened window even though it was fucking cold outside.
- Drug dealer talked about how everything and everyone was ruining his life even though he clearly has no life to mess up. Quote of the year from him:

I WAS GETTING FREE KISSES FROM STRIPPERS!

- When we finally arrived to our destination and tried getting out the back door the bus driver turned the bus off and walked out pissed off. Jackass.

Jesus fuck that was the worst bus ride ever.

So Decrassi

Degrassi so Decrassi
Yeah hush - the following post is going to be about the only show I ever bothered to watch religiously that wasn't a fucking cartoon. :D

So I watched the premiere yesterday. I had high hopes that season 7 would redeem season 6's shittiness. Because I rarely ever watch TV outside of Adult Swim. But when I first watched Degrassi earlier this year I was instantly hooked. I watched all 100+ episodes in one week. Yeah. Degrassi was different from all the other teen shows, it was actually written pretty damn well. Most of all, the way it was written reminded me a lot of the Persona series (just minus the demon shit like OMGWTF.) I loved seasons 1&2 the most (having the original writers from the original series, of course it was good.) 3&4 was also great although it started to have more different writers. But something those writers did was keep in touch with the traditional way of Degrassi story telling. Season 5 was still good, though it kind of felt like something was missing. Season 6? Absolute shit. Now they could've easily gotten a great season completed to end the series but all they did was lullygag. Like who the fuck cares about Paige, she fucking graduated the year before. Why call the show Degrassi when you're gonna waste time on people who ALREADY graduated from the school?

And a lot of great plot twists were poorly written. JT had the shittest death scene and aftermath ever. There was no build up. That was something the Degrassi series was always great with. It never seemed like things happened randomly. Like when Rick erupted. He was only in 8 episodes or so, but he was in the show sporadically. There was actual character development. His events happened in the span of two seasons. There was a time gap. After Jimmy finds out Spinner was the reason why he got shot and became crippled as a result of that in season 4 they didn't mend their friendship till the very end of season 5. But in season 6? Everything is randomly out there.

The first part of season 6 wasn't too bad since they brought over some baggage from season 5. Like Ellie and Craig hooking up for a very brief moment. The love triangle between him, Manny, and Ellie went on throughout all of season 5. As well as Jimmy's crush on Ellie that also went on in season 5, him confessing and then getting rejected didn't happen till season 6. But then there was random shit like the "bullying teacher" who was completely normal in all the seasons prior to that. The school rivalry between Degrassi and Lakehurst - happened too damn soon. All Degrassi feels like is shock factor - there's no longer well written stories in the show now. Oh and nothing was like Manny hooking up with that one black guy from Lakehurst, finding out he supposedly had connections to JT's killer - only to never see him again after that. Alex becoming a stripper also could've been written well, but she becomes one in one episode and Paige finds out the very next - there's no build up. They're so out of stories they wasted an episode on Marco's online gambling problem - not to mention he already graduated Degrassi - why focus on him? Oh and Jesse and Ellie go from being lovey-dovey but then break up the next time you see them.

So as for season 7's premiere. Damn it was an hour drag. Much of the past plots regurgitated once more. OMG NO Darcy may have been raped and she thinks she's pregnant. When Manny gave herself up to Craig in season 3 there was a time gap. She didn't realize she was pregnant till months later. But with this episode they jammed Darcy "getting raped" and thinking she's pregnant in one episode. Oh btw Darcy tried to kill herself in the very same episode too ;););). And since all they're doing is milking Degrassi, what once made Degrassi unique (compared to US shows - shut up I know Degrassi is Canadian) is that almost all the characters were actually the same age as the characters they portrayed. Now since they dragged it so long a great deal of the characters are in their 20's now. O_O

Degrassi is dead to me now. Oh well. At least that means I just gotta buy boxsets of seasons 1-5 only.

Oh and I guess something worth mentioning is that Funimation distributes Degrassi DVDs in America. Because of that there's Degrassi previews in some of the Peach Girl DVDs. :D

Spoils from the Battlefield

Growlanser: Heritage of War
I won't have time to play the game anytime soon, but I bought it simply because it's a limited one print run AND because of the goodies.

Then I found out the goodies suck. Well as for pictures:


^ Brand spanking new from Gamestop, not even open - still in shrink wrap!


^ The artbook that I should mention isn't even fucking hardcover like Persona 3's.


^ What's more useless, the shit this game came with or Working Design's goodies?

- The extra DVD
It comes with the opening, the same opening in the main game. Different song I guess (didn't notice) but it's the same damn thing. Then there's creator comments. Cool, not worth separating on a disk, couldn't they have just wrote it out? And worst of all, the shittiest slideshow ever. FUCK.

- Keychain
It's just a keychain that has the logo on it. BLAH.

- Two Pins
The futon dog one is cute but seriously, am I gonna use this?

- Two Cards
They're one of those cards that move when you move them...except the pictures don't even change like the ones that came with Thousand Arms. Blargh.

- The Artbook
...Okay, but it's soft covered like Magna Carta's, it's also the same size.

This shit sucks.

Other Stuff


- Suikoden III vol. 11
Damn. Suikoden III came out all the way back in 02' and I bought my first volume of the manga shortly after it came out. I have volumes 1-3 & 7 of the Japanese release and 1-4 of the US release. I kind of lost interest in Suikoden (more the enthusiasm, of course I'll be crazy when Suikoden 6 gets released) and never bothered collecting the manga. I was even hesitant purchasing this. But after reading it WHY THE HELL DID I STALL FOR SO LONG? The story is actually WAY BETTER than the game's. And Luc has got to be one of my favorite villains ever. Of course in traditional Suikoden style, the villain isn't some random villain with random poorly written motives (Sephiroth - why are you the poster boy?) The most interesting thing about Luc is that he was actually in the first two games. Just some normal guy that stood in the back that no one noticed. Easily as great as the villain of Shadow Hearts 2. (That game would probably be great if it weren't for fucking Yuri a.k.a Cloud part 2.) Now I'm finally motivated to complete my collection. Now when it's hard to find in store. Dammit.

- Peach Girl vol. 5 (DVD)
Rightstuf.com really is the shit. This is supposed to be out on streets Oct. 5th but they sent out my copy on the 18th of this month and I got it three days later. I always thought Peach Girl was fucking stupid...now I'm starting to see that the stupidities of Peach Girl are actually realistic...

- Berserk vol. 16
Great of course. Though the Jill arc just felt like a random side story.

- Peach Girl: Sae's Story vol. 1-3
Just a spin off story documenting Sae's last days as an 18 year old. I thought the ending was really sweet. Because shit, I have birthday angst too. My 21st fucking birthday was two months ago yet it flew by like no one gave a flying shit. Not to mention how horribly indirectly insulted I was that day. I still have a goal to make up for it before the end of the year. Knowing my luck, it just might be spent alone. Fuck this.

Hardcore Realism

Now I'm not the type of idiot who will go around posting memes on myspace about how you should respond if you're a true friend to see who my real friends are - I know who they are. And real friends in reality, are difficult to come across.

Just random everyday events come to mind. You could see someone on a daily basis for years and not even be friends with them. I know that, I'm not naive, so rarely do I ever bother getting into deep conversations with others. I can't trust them. Nothing pisses me off more than fake kindness. The kind of kindness where the person wants you to feel comfortable around them so you can completely open up to them. But they don't really want to be friends with you. Small talk, all that other bullshit. The usual motives for that are because they're bored and want to pass time or they want you for something, something they could use you up for and abandon you when you're dry.

Growing up during my early teen years I was extremely insecure. When I heard someone didn't like me I wanted to do anyting to mend that relationship so I could be sure I was friends with them! I was so fucking pathetic I even tried to BUY friendships - doing random shit like getting my ass ripped off buying expensive ass Japanese CDs for them, or small shit like buying drinks from a vending machine for them. I knew I'd own them, I thought I could buy friendhips. I just wanted to make sure everyone was my ally, make sure that everyone was under my control. Of course months after that I realized how stupid I was. And how I could've been wasting that change in the arcades - shit I was in Japan at the time!

Is it really necessary to dwell on what others think of you? Like today as usual there was the typical "I act like you're my friend but I'm not your friend I'm most likely just using you for my entertainment because I'm bored." People act all cheery and treat you nice. They welcome you into a trap. But I'm not fooled easily, I always make sure to keep myself at a distance. If I'm seen as being boring for not talking, then so be it. It's better than letting personal info lie out in the open. So I wasn't surprised to see this person look at another irritated, indirectly implying how annoying I was. Small talk, where the fuck do you go with it? Everyone is two faced - the worst are the people who act like they aren't.

As usual I feel like I'm getting the shitty end of a stick. I always notice and pay attention to others. I can remember things easily, yet people who are friends with me forget so easily. I bust my ass to be a good friend, but even when it comes down to that - are there really people who can do the same in return? I hate bullshit. I hate idealism. I hate vagueness. I want truth, to the bloody core. Why am I always passed over like I don't mean a fucking thing.

Well. When shit gets this bad that's where my real friends come in. Though I say I hate idealism, daydreamers, people who always speak of their wants but don't do a damn thing about it - when I feel like this I rely on fiction to make myself feel better. Maybe I'll go read Berserk again. That book is the greatest definition about how life sucks no matter how good you are.

General Awkwardness

It's sad when I hear people talk about how boring I am. But then again I can't deny it. Here I am whining about how Peach Girl sucks because you'd think it'd be interesting because Momo looks like a ko-gal but is actually just another boring generic shojo heroine inside. I'm no different. My general awkwardness doesn't live up to my loud appearance either. And it makes me sad when people are bored shitless by me. But what more can I say, I admit I'm awkward. I have social issues. I can only open up completely with people I feel 100% comfortable with. Other than that I seem like an aloof sunnavabitch. While I am distant and usually looking far off to space I actually am listening to others. I just don't know how to form a response and reply. I'm the type of weird jackass that has the perfect words in my head, but when I say them they don't come out exactly how I want them to. Like I sometimes come off rude unintentionally.

In short I'm a fucked up weirdo like Brandon Heat from Gungrave.

When I finally watched Gungrave I realized how irritated people get with me. I'm no different from Brandon. "DAMMIT BRANDON TALK!" Yes we're excellent with writing, we can recite epic essays in our heads the size of the bible, but when it comes down to speech we are fucked.

Not only that, but for you nerds out there...do you ever feel bad for being a nerd? I wish could be more diverse and actually be able to carry a conversation with someone about (UNIMPORTANT) issues of today. But I don't know jack shit about pop culture. Even if I did, I could give a rat's ass about a celeb's life. I feel so uncool. It's time for me to train in fighting games again so I can meet cool people so I won't feel so uncool within my own community.

Like what the hell can I talk about?



I can't just randomly mention "Oh yeah since I'm a lazy fat American I didn't feel like looking for the missing plug for my DVD player so I bought one of those gaming systems that I've never heard of before that also plays DVDs. I'm buying Guilty Gear later on too!" (And if you're wondering why I didn't get a next generation console instead, I need to at least badly want 5 games before I buy a system. Right now I only want DW6. I'd also only budge if Suikoden 6 were coming out.)



Anyway I got some new bookshelves. The above is only a picture of my DVDs and video games (manga isn't shown since that's what I mainly collect which is much larger than the mentioned collections - I'm still sorting it) and I always thought I had more. I did have A LOT more when I just randomly bought shit so I could increase my collection, but I got rid of probably 2/3 of the old collection I used to have. Unless a game is just that bad and ugly, I won't resell it. And I only keep completely bad and good anime. No shit in between.

Heart Off

Calling off
Kind of sad how I have this blog linked to my myspace and all people could give a shit about is "OMFG DID U POST NEW PIKZ! DID YOU POST NEW PIKZ!!!111 DID YOU POST NEW FUCKEN PIKS!!!11 GIMMEH NEW PIKS TO JACK OFF 2!!11"

What's the point of wasting my time to make plans with me just to call it off. Like not even call it off earlier, but like two hours later after I expected the person to come. Worst off, what's the point of making plans with me just to ditch me and make new plans with someone else in the last minute? Of course there's more meat to me bitching about this but I don't want to be too direct so I can't flat out say why it pisses me off so much.

I've been pretty much of a loner for almost a good ten years now. Avoiding shit like that to be alone was worth it. Am I wrong? Am I just being idealistic and holding on to this just so I won't be alone? Because being treated like this isn't fucking worth it.

It really doesn't help that I in general just have it pretty fucking bad. What's it like to be ashamed by your own blood? I can't even get a simple task done simply like buying fucking furniture done without complications. What one will do to make sure they're not seen by their blood that they're ashamed of.

As for work? Another terrible day.

Now I do try my best not to rely on anyone, if you rely one someone you'll get expectations. If they ditch you then your expectations are broken. You have none anymore. But then again these are people that I should be trusting. Life just couldn't be anymore complicated for me. Money - sex...that's all that matters to them. What kind of man makes a woman pay for their own debt?

Heh. Isn't this why I ran away from that old life of mine just to become a nerd again? I hate dealing with that two-faced shit. On one layer there's the good side, but under that layer is the true side. Expect nothing. Only trust yourself.

Pleasure over Priority
I actually ended up failing my summer class. I am getting a chance to redeem myself TO pass the class which I'll make sure not to fail. I blamed it on my shitty work hours (when they had me working weekends, THAT FUCKEN SUCKED) but most of all the only person to blame was me. I put pleasure over priority. I wanted to cure my loneliness by running off elsewhere instead of doing my work. And it is true, I was a fool to put pleasure over priority.

And I guess I can put down Paradise Kiss as one of my favorite manga titles if the lines still stick with me. That one scene where Yukar